dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
