as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
