just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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