I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
