How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize