it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Randomize
