my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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