im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
