i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
