Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is wine microwaveable?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
