Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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