How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
