Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
