Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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