I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
