The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Someone shit on the floor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize