ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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