I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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