I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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