your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
