I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
