So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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