I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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