i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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