I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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