I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
