Betty ford says i'm here all night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
