You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
