I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
