every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
