this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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