How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's get the cat blown out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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