yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Barsexuality is the new black.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
