I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
