I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
