When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize