I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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