My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
