She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just sucked dick on a ferry
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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