I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
