if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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