i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
