ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
