Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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