You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
