You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
