It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
