Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
