A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
whose parrot is this?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
