Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
