The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
