im drinking this country out of the recession.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
