I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
