I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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