four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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