God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
