you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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