Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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