Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
