It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
