You're my little dorito
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize