Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
