I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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