i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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