Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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