is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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