dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
