Plan B is the new Plan A
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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