when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
