well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
