I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
