so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
